


Not Quite, but Close Enough

by Ylevihs



Series: Who Did You Think I Was? [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Job, Bottom Hux, Consensual, Facial, Floor Sex, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Play Wrestling, Porn With Very Little Plot, gross angsty shit, gross fluffy shit, kylo isn't doing well at the start of this, mentions of unnamed knights of ren, mild violence against an unnamed Knight, top kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:30:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ylevihs/pseuds/Ylevihs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of "Permanency" from Kylo's POV.<br/>Neither man can bring himself to say it out loud, but perhaps that's alright in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Quite, but Close Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Avoids eye contact and speed walks out of the building.

Kylo tightened his hold. His Knights waited silently in a semi-circle at his back. Many of them were panting, some had removed their helmets, some were holding superficial wounds on various body parts. Kylo could feel a small rivulet of blood soaking into the fabric at his side. The Knight responsible writhed on the ground, clawing desperately at his neck. The semi-circle of his compatriots made no move to help him. There were consequences for crossing Kylo Ren. No one else particularly wanted to risk them. 

The Knights had been sparring and the soon to be corpse had drawn the short straw to practice with his master. It had been a knee jerk reaction; Kylo had been bearing down on him and he could feel the heat of the sabre centimeters from his neck and his Master’s side had been unguarded and he’d lashed out and. The blow had landed squarely in the center of his Master’s bowcaster wound. The other sparring pairs around them stopped. Looked. There had been a moment of stillness, Kylo bending double, clutching at the injury and then the Knight couldn’t breathe. A black gloved hand grabbed the air just in front of his face and his airway was completely restricted. 

He’d shaken his head, desperate. It was a mistake. The last mistake of he would ever make, as it turned out. Blackness seeped into the corners of his mind; every muscle in his body redirected towards freeing his esophagus that was being crushed by the force. Lacking anything solid to grab his arms flailed to the sides, reaching, panicked. Everything was hot and searing and. The Knight passed out as his throat was released. Luckily his body was smarter than his brain and gasped in oxygen for him. 

Kylo felt the shimmer of relief ripple through his subordinates. He rounded on them and it was replaced with acute, throbbing terror. None of them moved; the ones with their faces exposed did not flinch. No one blinked. Kylo surveyed them closely. Nearer to the center a woman with a blossoming black eye stared impassively at a space beyond his ear. She had a blaster on a belt, a sort of serrated weapon in one hand, her helmet in the other. After a moment she dared to meet his mask with her eyes.

“Kill him,”

“Yes Master,” no hesitation. Not in her voice, her eyes, her hands as they brought the blaster up and fired a shot into her former fellow’s skull. It was quick and simple and effective. She felt no guilt nor remorse. The radiant fear from her, from everyone present, coated Kylo in a thick layer. He wore it easily. 

“We’re done here,” 

His Knights nodded. None of them moved. Kylo left them standing in their semi-circle around the dead body and did not look back.

By the time he reached his quarters Kylo could sense something different in the air. He couldn’t place it and so ignored it for the moment. The wound in his side was screaming in more than just pain. Waves of revulsion and guilt and the _light_ crashed over him. Kylo’s fist clenched and the desire to drive it against his side was overwhelming. It melded sickly into a fleeting desire to drive his own light saber into his side. He was shaking. Fighting it. 

He wanted to vomit. He wanted to sob. He deserved it. Who _he_ was and what he deserved oscillated violently between himself and his father; between death and despair. Sweat poured down his face. Deserved it. He deserved it. His blood was pounding in his skull making it impossible to think clearly. Every inch of his mind was suffocating in a miasma of self-hatred and fury and violence at something. Someone. Anyone. Himself. Fingers twitching, heart hammering against his chest, Kylo swallowed a scream. It bubbled in his throat and tore at his lungs and. A knock. 

Knocking on his door. Knocking. Knocking. Kylo’s rage peaked and he spun on the door, slamming the control panel with an open palm. He held himself up with either arm braced on the door jam and.

NonononononoleaveleaveLEAVELEAVE _LEAVE_

Hux was practically glowing. Kylo took no time to examine him, risked no touch of anything.

“Not now,” he hissed. He was still shaking. Every muscle in his body reached out to destroy the General and were stopped only by a wafer thin plea from his mind. It reeked of the light. Hux nodded once, turned sharply away and as soon as he was gone from Kylo’s sight Kylo allowed the door to slide closed.

With the retreating steps of the other man Kylo felt his episode diminishing. His breathing slowly steadied. The bile in his throat sank down into his stomach. He was still shaking. The offended part of his abdomen, no longer having to fight for attention, throbbed dully and Kylo felt an earlier desire stab into his mind. He sobbed out, just once, just for the feel of it. His wildly shaking fingers came to the area and cupped it gently. Darkness filled his vision and his mind in equal measure.

At some point he had fallen to the floor, a fact which he didn’t linger on. 

The sensation in his knuckles and just below his ribs told him he’d been beating on his scar again. He’d probably hit too hard, or twisted too much into the pain. Kylo inhaled and exhaled slowly, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. Absurdly, after having beaten himself into submission, Kylo felt significantly better. He tried not to think about that and instead focused on the immediacy with which that Knight had followed his instructions. She wasn’t even the most loyal of the group. The sparring he’d watched before his own altercation had been impressive. Lacking in some important areas, though. The majority of the Knights would be useless against force-users. That scavenger girl was with the resistance, with his former master, and where there was one there would be more. He’d have to put more time into the others’ training—but progress was being made. That, at least, was something to allow himself to be pleased about. 

The week went by quickly. His Knights were adapting quickly to their new training. They were able to resist more and more of the pull of the force. At the outset of the week Kylo had been able to pull the group across the training floor and pin them to the wall. Not even eight days later and nearly half of them were able to stop the drag halfway across the floor; all but two were able to resist being flung against the wall. 

Kylo hadn’t allowed himself to think of Hux. Every cell in his body had been thrumming with the force and he hadn’t dared get close to the General. There was a slight concern that Hux’s prevalence for broadcasting his emotions would ruin Kylo’s concentration on the dark side. Hux was bringing out too much of the light in him. 

Snoke would not allow the removal of the General. Kylo didn’t even have to ask to know. The whispers around the base were that the First Order was rebuilding itself far faster than even the most optimistic expectations had allowed. It was an awful, wriggling thought that Kylo wouldn’t even be able to get rid of Hux if he’d tried. He wanted him too much. His body and mind and…he shook the thought from his head, ignored the phantom sting in his side, and rapped his knuckles on Hux’s door. 

Wantedneededcravedlov--

Even before the door slid open Hux’s essence hit him slam in the chest. Worry. Not quite panic, but close. Kylo allowed it to slip off of his shoulders and strode into the room. He dropped backwards onto Hux’s bed, back flat against the sheets, legs hanging over the edge so that the soles of his shoes drifted just above the floor. With one hand he removed his helmet and dropped it over the side of the bed; it rolled slightly before it came to a rest. The other hand raked through his hair. Hux was saying his name.

“Kylo?” it was completely soaked in concern. Kylo felt bizarrely motivated to ease the discomfort; alleviate the concern. He felt strangely anxious about it. 

“My Knights,” it seemed like a fine place to begin. “Are making progress,” it was true. They were doing remarkably well and Kylo felt his chest begin to swell with pride in his subordinates’ abilities. Perhaps this was how Hux felt when he spoke about the trooper training program. Hux’s eyes were on him and Kylo felt a pulse of approval from the other man. Which was odd, considering that Hux had never shown an interest in his Knights before. Perhaps he was thinking of his own followers. “I’m given to understand you’ve been enjoying similar successes, Hux,” normal conversation. This was how normal conversation worked. It felt odd after so long.  
Hux watched him for a moment and then began to move towards the bedside. 

“We’ve found a reliable supplier for weapons and armaments,” he began and sat close to Kylo’s knees. A spot of warmth covered his upper thigh. Kylo didn’t even need to look down to know it was Hux’s hand. It was an unassuming touch. Kylo wanted it to be assuming almost immediately. “And negotiations for labor are going well. Very well,” the General’s thumb was rubbing circles through the fabric onto his skin. Kylo shifted, wanting more contact. Hux obliged and Kylo felt the heat begin to trail up his leg. Hux was watching him as his hand found and began to rotate over the cloth covering his crotch. Kylo shifted his hips into the pressure—more of that. Yes. Please? Hux’s hand slipped up and into his pants and. Yes. Thank you. 

Kylo looked up into Hux’s eyes, full of fire and hunger and spiking desire and need. Kylo swallowed and his throat felt dry. More of that. He ran a hand up Hux’s back and pressed, bringing Hux closer. Hux’s hand pressed harder against his cock. More of everything. It flooded up through Kylo’s abdomen and he couldn’t stop the slight moan and then he shot upwards. He grabbed Hux by the shoulders and bodily lifted him—rolling him over and pressing his back to the bed. 

Hux wriggled his shoulders, curving his back briefly before he stopped struggling. And the insufferable thought was back. Have him now. I have him now I can take him hold him down hold him here hold him keep him I can

Hux shot backwards, pressing into the bed without warning. Kylo’s momentary surprise allowed the other man to shift his lower body and hook a leg around Kylo’s abdomen, pulling and rolling them over so that Hux was straddling him.

No. No don’t go don’t leave I’m good enough I promise don’t

Hux wasn’t leaving. He was, in fact, grinning down at him. A full, unabashed smile. Complete and without fault. The sight of it sent Kylo’s mind whipping out tendrils wildly like overgrown ivy. They latched onto Hux’s mind brimming with lust and happiness and contentment and an oddly playful overtone. He wants to play? I can play. 

Kylo grinned darkly and a little more arousal bled into the symphony of Hux’s emotions. 

Hux began to twine his legs around Kylo’s, hooking his ankles under Kylo’s knees. The movement, combined with Hux pressing solidly down onto his pelvis effectively pinned his lower body in place. Kylo pressed upwards with his palms flat on Hux’s shoulders, shifting his hips so that Hux couldn’t get too well settled. Hux over compensated by leaning forward and Kylo brought his arm up, pressing the flat of his lower arm against the General’s throat. It was the ghost of the second cousin to pressure; just enough to let Hux know the arm was there. Hux gyrated his hips in return to maintain balance and his position, a hand finding and laying firm against the tricep of the arm holding him still. Kylo ground back, losing a significant amount of focus on the play-wrestling because. Yes. Keep moving like that. 

The movement stopped, mainly because Hux had dropped onto an elbow, escaping the arm against his throat. Kylo wrapped that same arm around the back of Hux’s neck, pulling him down so that he was curved and his side was fully exposed. It took a fair amount of control on Kylo’s part not to run his free hand along that expanse, to trace each divot and rise of his ribcage and muscle. Hux’s hand was on his pectoral and pressing and making no progress. 

Hux’s legs began to separate themselves from Kylo, which was unacceptable. Kylo rotated his pelvis to keep the contact flush but failed to realize in time that Hux had been unbalanced by the motion. They fell together in a graceless heap, both of them taking the impact—Kylo on his shoulder, Hux on his hip. Hux gasped at the sensation but pushed back against Kylo’s attempt to roll him. It was a stronger movement than the one on the bed but still not nearly strong enough. Hux really was a great deal weaker than him, Kylo realized. He was quicker though; the disparity immediately apparent as Hux wriggled his lower body and. Kylo grabbed and managed to force both arms above Hux’s head. Hux’s knee caught him firmly in the waist but Kylo caught it and pinned it into stillness. After a moment of impotent struggle Kylo leaned ever so slightly to the side, increasing the pressure on the hip beneath him. 

In the time afterwards, when Kylo thought about the encounter, he would never quite be able to say what motivated him to lean forward. Perhaps it was the smile that was still plastered on Hux’s face, all giddy and carefree. Drunk on physical contact. Kylo could relate. 

Hux’s breathing hitched and began coming faster. His gorgeous eyes were beginning to shudder back and forth and it took Kylo about two seconds longer than it should have to realize he was filling the room with too much of his presence. Kylo reigned himself in and immediately recognized the face Hux made as the same expression he had when orgasming. Without the accompanying endorphin high in his system to paint the face ridiculously sexy Kylo found the face simply ridiculous. Especially since it was followed immediately by a goofy grin. 

Oh shit. No. Don’t do this Hux will never forgive too late. Kylo tried and failed to suppress the laughter creeping up from his chest. 

“Something funny?” Hux growled. He was still grinning. Oh shit. Kylo shook his head as best he could, trying to steady himself enough to speak. 

“I realize,” a jolt of laughter escaped, “that it is your habit to sneer like…aha…an ass…but…but…ah…your face,” there was a slight jerk against Kylo’s hand by the wrists he held. Clearly unable to break free Hux relaxed his arms back down and then narrowed his eyes. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Hux spat. 

Kylo managed to wrangle his laughter into control. “Nothing,” he shrugged, hoping Hux would be willing to forget about it. Why did this always have to happen? Things would start out fine and lovely and then Hux would find something to bitch about and piss him off and then, and ONLY then, could they continue. It was stupid. 

“Like hell,” Hux replied spitefully. Right. So they were doing this again. 

“You’re grinning,” Kylo waited for Hux to push him off, an action which did not come. There was some scrambling in Hux’s mind, but nothing concerning. Kylo planted a kiss onto Hux’s mouth. It was harder than he meant for it to be but he couldn’t pull himself back. Hux had been grinning and happy and had clearly been enjoying the feeling of Kylo pressing everything he was into him. He’d been happy with him. He released Hux’s hands and Kylo felt them raking through his hair. Holding him close and keeping the kiss firm. Kylo knew he had ruined it, but it had been there plain and easy and all for him. He was kissing Hux for longer than was normal. Kylo pulled away but Hux was looking up at him. Not glaring or staring or eating him alive with his eyes. Just looking. Just. Taking him in. Something throbbed in Kylo that he couldn’t name. 

“About last week,” Hux began quietly. Kylo flinched reflexively. A pulsing began in his abdomen which he clamped down on, grimacing. 

“One of my Knights caught me while we were sparring earlier that day; you’ll understand that I wasn’t exactly in the mood,” that was the understatement of a lifetime. He hadn’t been in the mood to be alive that afternoon. “And, of course, I then had to rectify the situation,” He tightened his hand into a fist. 

“Oh,” Hux replied simply. And then punched Kylo in the heart with a tidal wave of relief and joy. And the loudest thought kicking and screaming its way to the forefront of Hux’s head was relief and happiness that he _hadn’t lost Kylo._

Kylo couldn’t have pulled out of Hux’s mind quicker if he’d been shot out of a blaster. 

All his mental alarms were blaring. 

Hux visibly tensed. Kylo was dizzy. He couldn’t. No. He’d been wrong. He hadn’t established the force connection properly. It was fine. It wasn’t fine. This wasn’t fine. 

Red alert. This is not a drill. Abandon ship. 

Kylo cleared his throat. 

“I could help you, General,” as Kylo began Hux’s eyes widened, then narrowed in distaste. “To focus on how you…project your emotions….your worries, I realize you’re not force-sensitive, yet such things can be learned,” Kylo had to speak slowly so that his brain could keep up with his mouth. It would be easy. In theory. But if Hux could be trained to stop blasting himself into the atmosphere then Kylo wouldn’t have to deal with whatever the hell Hux meant when he felt like he hadn’t _lost_ Kylo. 

It played on a loop in Kylo’s mind. Hux had been so relieved that Kylo was okay; that he was still here. Here with him. It was everything that Kylo had ever. Oh. 

“Pray tell, then, why have you failed to master it?” It wasn’t quite a jab and it fell flat between them. Kylo risked it a cursory touch with his mind and Hux was nothing but humiliation and despair and panic and self-hatred. “I should start keeping track of how often I see you breaking down like a child,” it hit a nerve which Kylo would forever deny existed, if anyone had ever thought to ask. He swallowed it. Hux was not in a good space at the moment and it was a space Kylo had occupied more than once in his life. Kylo took a breath. He could fix this. 

“It’s…,” he began. No. Okay, he could do this. “You’re flattering,” he chanced, trying to keep it from being accusatory. 

“If I wanted your opinion on the matter,” Hux started coldly. Alright, it had been the wrong thing to say. Hux’s shame was being boiled into fury. “I would have invited you to share it,” his voice was firm and even but everything about him was trembling with rage and sickness. Kylo swallowed hard and said nothing.

Then Hux covered his face with a hand. And then everything Hux had been broadcasting shut down. It wasn’t even that Kylo was no longer in his mind. Kylo was reminded distressingly of the feeling that came over him when a person died. He glanced anxiously down; Hux’s eyes were open, staring at the ceiling beyond the both of them.  
Kylo’s heart was in his throat. He had no experience for this and he knew he was probably making it worse and he placed his hand over Hux’s. Hux closed his eyes—the General looked like he was on the brink of breaking down. A feather soft whisper from the brightest corner of Kylo’s mind came forward: help him. Do something. He loves you. Make it okay. 

Nothing about that was okay. It would never be okay. 

He loves you.  
No.  
Make it okay.  
I _can’t_.

“Hux?” he sounded terrified in his own ears. “General?” please? Fuck. How did? What was? Fuck. Kylo brought his face down close to Hux’s, pressing a kiss onto Hux’s knuckles. “Hux,” he whispered. The Knight lowered himself gently onto the General so that they were all but laying flush against one another. Say something. “I…,” he couldn’t. He hated himself because he couldn’t. He hated himself because he wanted to. Kylo sighed heavily. “Look at me,” he ordered. There was no way to make this better because it was possibly the worst thing Kylo could’ve imagined. The best thing he could’ve imagined. 

Hux’s hand slid away, eyes still staunchly avoiding Kylo’s. Kylo’s hand took up the space, cupping his cheek as softly as he dared, running his thumb along the line of his cheekbone. 

“Fuck off,” Hux said weakly and looked into Kylo’s eyes. Easy and exposed and terrifying and. No, don’t do that. Kylo felt his throat begin to close in on itself. Say something.

“It’s…,Hux,” Kylo’s stroked Hux’s cheek, as if the skin on skin contact could ground him. Make it easier. “I,” oh shit oh shit oh Hux. Oh Hux. Hux was kissing him. And pouring himself into the touch. And he loved him. Kylo felt like he was falling or floating or drowning or melting or burning. Hux pulled away first, taking in a deep breath of oxygen. After a moment Kylo realized he was smiling. For the first time in a long while Kylo’s brain decided that self-preservation was a good thing. He could have said it; his mouth was ready to say it. Instead, Kylo’s brain forced out: “You want me,” and kissed Hux before the other man could say anything. You love me. “You want me,” The words substituted one another like water substituted liquor but Kylo chanted them anyway. Once after each kiss. He trailed across the spread of Hux’ lips, up his cheek, over his eyelids and forehead and back down to end on his lips again.

To say that Hux’s mood had lifted would be an understatement. 

“Don’t get used to it,” Hux said finally, not unkindly. “Jackass,” Kylo ground down on the man under him and felt Hux’s lust begin to reawaken. 

“Good news, General,” Kylo’s hands got their wish and spread themselves across the skin under Hux’s shirt, dragging it slowly up towards his neck. “The sentiment is mutual,” it was as close to an admission as Kylo could make. That thing you’ll never admit to? Same here. I’ll never admit to it either. 

Kylo let his hands have free reign over Hux’s flesh. Every curve and edge and warm expanse was covered, smoothed out under his palms. After a moment Hux leaned his head back and Kylo brought his mouth down on the exposed area, lavishing it with his tongue. He felt Hux’s heart beat in his mouth and stopped there, feeling it filling his head. Hux had wrapped a leg around Kylo’s again and was rubbing their lower legs together through the fabric. Then there was a sharp pressure that threw Kylo out of his rhythm and Hux had flipped them yet again. He looked down from his perch atop Kylo’s hips with a smug twinkle in his damn eyes. 

Kylo stared up at him. That had been unexpected. But the General was beginning to strip now, slipping his shirt down onto the ground with a flick of the wrist that was far more attractive than the motion had any right to be. Hux had freed Kylo’s legs and Kylo felt the press of slender muscle against either side of his abdomen and then, ah then. The other man was rubbing his hips down, firmly and rhythmically. Kylo brought his hands onto the rise of Hux’s thighs, close to the juncture where they met his body and ran his thumbs along Hux’s inner thighs. Hux began rutting against Kylo in earnest, thrusting into the contact and Kylo sighed quietly in pleasure at the sensation.

The sight of a shirtless Hux sliding his covered erection over Kylo’s own sent shivers up Kylo’s spine. 

“Undress yourself,” Hux demanded suddenly. What? No; Hux had already started stripping and he was in an easier position anyways. Kylo sneered and pointedly curled his fingers in at the edges of Hux’s pants. He made no move to obey. “Take off your clothing,” there was a challenge in every word. 

“Kiss my ass,” Kylo fired back. 

“That can be arranged if you actually want me to,” Hux replied, a bit too much heady smoke in his voice.

“ _What._ ” Um. Well. He might actually like that. A polite voice in Kylo’s mind smacked him over the head and yelled at him not to push his luck right now.

The General was back to grinning at him and fisted the thin dark cloth of Kylo’s tunic.

“OFF.” He repeated and pulsated out lust. Kylo’s arms moved for him, pulling the tunic up. He had to shift slightly to move the fabric that was stuck under him and as he did Hux’s fingers began to drift over Kylo’s chest. The cloth was allowed to bunch up under Kylo’s arms; Hux was doing something wonderful with his fingertips around Kylo’s nipples. When the heat around his chest grew a little too high, Kylo began pulling the tunic up and over his head. Before he could finish slipping it off he felt Hux shift and then smooth palms were holding his wrists together. It was a weak grip, one that the Knight could’ve broken in his sleep. Kylo blinked in surprise; his head was completely covered by the black fabric. He was half way through beginning to move when he felt something burning hot and wet and perfect slide up his throat. The sensation stopped him immediately. 

The hold on his wrists was being adjusted until both of his wrists were being held delicately by one hand. Kylo slid his eyes closed as there was no use for them at the moment and resisted the urge to reach out with the force. He found a small, strange tickle of excitement at not entirely being aware of the world around him. The cloth was lifted slightly, exposing his chin, then his mouth to the cold. He expected a kiss, but had to wait for it. He was finding that this was much more enjoyable than he would have thought. There was no shift in the pressure, so Kylo knew Hux wasn’t doing anything more than looking at him. Hux obviously liked it. Maybe they could do this blindfold thing properly sometime. Sooner rather than later. Then the General began thrusting _hard_ down on him and Kylo gasped and _there_ was the kiss. Kylo sucked Hux’s tongue into his own mouth and held the appendage there for as long as the General would let him. 

Despite the gentle hold Kylo’s hands were beginning to protest not being able to feel Hux. Kylo shifted, not really wanting to dislodge the other man yet. Hux ended the kiss and pulled himself back up. All the way up, actually. The General was rising to his feet and Kylo followed him, sitting up. Free again, Kylo’s hands planted themselves firmly on Hux’s hips. Kylo buried his face against the clothed area before him, causing Hux to give a slight start. After a moment of simply rubbing the area with his cheek Kylo drug his mouth over the fabric. A tongue coated in tiny fuzz particles and the flavor of detergent convinced him to not do that again. He opted to continue rubbing the covered erection against his face. This had looked hotter in the holovid than it was turning out to be and Kylo decided against trying the boots for the time being. Granted the young man in the vid hadn’t exactly had much choice in the matter, tied up as he had been. Kylo shook those thoughts away as Hux’s hands appeared on his shoulders and pushed him slightly away.  
Hux practically tore his clothing off and Kylo couldn’t help but reflect his eagerness. The second Hux’s cock was uncovered Kylo took it into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the head, drawing a pleasing noise from Hux. After a few choice licks, he drew his tongue along the vein on the underside of Hux’s dick and Hux gasped, twining his fingers through Kylo’s hair. His fingernails left small streaks of pleasure where they raked over Kylo’s scalp. One of Kylo’s hands journeyed around the curve of Hux’s hip to grope his ass briefly, pulling Hux deeper into his mouth. A particularly hard tug on his hair and Kylo glanced upwards. There it was—the beautiful eyes were beginning to cloud over, face reddening, lips parted. Something in Kylo shivered. 

He moved his lips away, bringing them down along the length of the twitching organ to mouth at the base.

“Kylo,” Hux moaned out his name and Kylo couldn’t stop the smirk so he chose to bury it against Hux’s groin. Hux’s fingers changed direction against his skull and began pressing him down and away. Parting from the skin with a final kiss Kylo leaned back, his weight on his lower arms. His eyes were drawn to watch Hux shed the rest of his clothing. The centers of his palms itched to touch him again. Kylo occupied them by moving to slide his own pants off; he got them just beyond his own cock and then halfway down his thighs. The movement was stopped by Hux’s weight returning to his to hips. It put a very distracting pressure on his cock. Something was making noise. Oh, it was Hux. “I take it you came prepared?” Kylo nodded silently; hands struggling with the position to find and retrieve the bottle of lube he’d stored in his pocket. Finally he pulled it free only to have it swiped up by the other man. Hux thumbed open the cap and Kylo tried to wriggle his pants further down only to be stopped by a Look from Hux. 

Okay. Sure? He still had his pants (mostly) on and his boots and. Whatever. 

The lubricant caught the light deviously as Hux spread it over his fingers and a shot went straight through Kylo’s core. Hux had been sending very clear signals that he’d been intending to take Kylo into himself, but Kylo wasn’t against the alternative. Granted, the pants still around his legs were going to make this awkward. Hux adjusted his weight onto his knees and Kylo watched his hand dip down, trying to casually spread his legs as much as the fabric would let him and. Hux was sliding a finger into himself. Kylo couldn’t tear his eyes away if his life depended on it. He started slowly, like he had all the time in the world. Some part of Kylo’s mind reminded him that breathing was a thing he needed to do. He sucked in a harsh breath. Hux was beginning to spread himself and his face showed it; Kylo couldn’t tell if the other man was making noises. The only thing he could hear was the thunder of his own heartbeat in his ears. The lithe man was beginning to curve against the touch, his chest flushing red and his eyes. Oh. Staring directly into Kylo’s.

“Fuck Hux,” the look in Hux’s eyes took on a shade of smug superiority. Fuck, he was perfect like that. Kylo’s hand drifted down and began trying to alleviate some of what Hux was causing. After a moment Kylo’s other hand found the bottle of lube, still open, and slicked himself liberally. He fought off the chill of it by focusing on the way Hux was moving his hips against his own fingers. Hux’s other hand came and after a brief touch against the back of Kylo’s hand took over the task of rubbing Kylo’s cock. Kylo watched with unbridled attention as Hux removed his fingers and steadied Kylo under him. Hux shifted so that his knees were further up near Kylo’s chest and began to sink down. Kylo placed his hands on Hux’s knees, rubbing circles up his thighs as incredible heat covered him. 

Hux completely covered him and Kylo groaned deeply. Twin spots of heat found his lower abdomen as Hux steadied himself and Kylo tightened his grip on Hux’s thighs. The other man began to lift off slowly and then dropped himself roughly back down. The two men gasped in unison—Hux significantly louder than Kylo. Kylo allowed the General a moment of stillness, resisting the urge to thrust up into the pulsing warmth. When Hux began moving again it was in lovely, dreadful, slow circles. Kylo was about ninety percent sure Hux was keeping up the ‘slow and steady’ ruse just to play into Kylo’s tastes because after less than a minute of it Hux dropped the act and began to pick up the pace. Kylo’s hands were overjoyed at feeling the muscles in Hux’s legs contracting and releasing with each bounce. One of them moved and began to glide over Hux’s cock, wriggling his fingers and palming the head of it. 

Hux gasped at the contact and one hand flew from Kylo’s abdomen to clutch at the forearm tugging on his dick. The visible signals started to grow and Kylo knew he was very close to turning Hux into a mess. He began thrusting upwards and Hux’s reaction was enough to tell him that it was the right decision. They continued like that for what seemed like an eternity, Hux dropping his hips down, Kylo thrusting up into him, filling the room with heavy breathing and deep, stolen gasps. Kylo’s free hand indulged itself in mapping Hux’s leg, his hip and abdomen and up to his chest; then down back to his hip. After a particularly hard thrust Kylo’s other hand left Hux’s cock to fall onto his hip. Kylo bent himself at the waist, just now coming to dislike the fact that his pants were still confining the movement of his legs. The change in position didn’t even seem to register with the other man, who simply continued his rhythmic movements. 

Kylo pulled Hux’s upper body close and began leaving open mouthed kisses over the reddened neck, up and around the jaw until he reached Hux’s ear. Kylo panted Hux’s name lightly, bringing his hand back around to pump Hux’s cock. Hux moaned Kylo’s name and began running his hands over every piece of Kylo that he could reach. They left trails of fire over his shoulders, the nape of his neck; they buried themselves briefly into his hair and then dragged down and slipped over his ribs, the small of his back, never seeming to land anywhere. Hux was making small noises now and Kylo caught his mouth roughly, plunging his tongue in deep into Hux’s mouth. Hux couldn’t continue the contact for long, pulling away from the kiss to pant properly. It allowed Kylo a clean view of Hux’s face and what a view it was. Hux’s eyes had become Kylo’s go to reference for how well he was doing; the less focused they were the better he was doing. They were clouded but not completely unfocused. That, at least, Kylo knew he could fix. His mouth had been doing things again without telling his brain. 

“Fuck, Hux,” it was saying, “Ohhh fuck, you feel so good,” Kylo let it continue. Nice work, mouth; keep it up. Employee of the month. Kylo wrapped an arm around Hux so that the contact was flush and he upped his pace and force and there. The clarity in Hux’s eyes was entirely gone. A flush of pride filled Kylo’s lungs and made him a little giddy and he leaned back until he was flat to the ground. Hux’s hips were moving wildly, without any semblance of conscious action. It was driving Kylo out of his mind; he quickened the pace of his hand and Hux gasped loudly. 

Kylo felt his end rapidly approaching with each unpredictable thrust of Hux onto him. The hand on Hux’s hip cemented itself to the skin as Kylo came. He tightened his grip even harder, hoping to somehow curb the movement of the other man and failing spectacularly. Kylo moaned in the core of his chest and filled Hux. Kylo gasped once, twice. Hux continued his jarring, uneven movements even as Kylo began to soften inside of him. Kylo fought back a wince at the prolonged sensation and realized that during his orgasm he had ceased his ministrations on Hux. The General shouted a profanity and shoved Kylo away from his anatomy.

Kylo caught Hux’s wrists more tightly than he meant to and felt a nearly bestial shock radiate out of Hux. The Knight moved quickly, forcing Hux up onto his knees, Hux was shuddering and panting heavily and was furious right up until Kylo took him deep in his throat. One arm stabilized Hux as best he could while the other came around and slipped his fingers into Hux. They sought and found and attacked the other man’s prostate, earning a shaky, frantic inhale. It took less than twenty seconds to draw Hux over the edge. Kylo pulled his mouth away just in time to catch Hux’s cum over his lips and down his chin. Having nothing better to do his fingers continued pressing and pushing against Hux’s prostate and Hux was making very uncharacteristic noises. Hux nearly began to fall forward and Kylo caught the other man, gently lowering him back down so that his weight was secure against Kylo’s lap. 

The two sat together, Hux still twitching gently, and Kylo allowed his hands free roam. They gently stroked at the tender spots along the outside of Hux’s thighs. Kylo vaguely realized that Hux was moving again but his mind was still relaxing blissfully in a post-coital haze. He watched Hux distantly—the other man’s face, while still flush and sweaty, had regained its stern expression. Hux was shifting then, bringing a piece of soft cloth to swipe at the mess on Kylo’s face. He watched him through a cloud of contentment until he realized that Hux was using his tunic to mop up his mouth.

“Is that mine?” he asked. Hux shrugged. 

“What, do you think I would wear something like this?” The General said dismissively. Kylo felt a twinge of annoyance, but nothing serious, and planted a flat handed hit against Hux’s backside. Hux bit back a yelp and glared quietly at Kylo. 

“What am I supposed to wear out of here?” he demanded. Now reality was starting to bleed in at the edges and Kylo’s annoyance grew more at that than anything else. He dipped into Hux’s mind and was first treated to a thought of him staying, which sent Kylo’s heart into palpitations, and then an image of him striding through the halls shirtless. The scene played a bit longer than Kylo expected it to, doing a great deal to lessen his annoyance and settle him back into a muzzy state. 

“Take my coat,” Hux offered blearily. He nuzzled his head against Kylo’s neck and sent chills over Kylo’s skin by doing so. “It should do a fair job of hiding your pants as well,” Hux continued and Kylo grunted. Now that he had time to think about it, the pants had made their way down to bunch at his knees and were beginning to cut off some of the circulation to his feet. He ignored it for the moment because he could feel Hux’s eyelashes brushing against his skin and because the last time he had held Hux the General had been asleep and because Hux was holding him back. Neither of them spoke, simply holding each other on the floor and breathing together. Existing in one another’s space.  
His feet began complaining loudly about pins and needles and the complaint was making its way up the chain of command to Kylo’s knees and were threatening to go to the manager. He shifted slightly, hating himself as he did so, but Hux rose without questions and cracked his back when he had stood fully. Kylo followed him upwards, unsure of what to expect, when Hux turned to his bed and pulled back the sheets. Kylo watched as Hux looked down at himself, wrinkled his nose in disgust, looked at the bed, at the space on the wall that would swing away to reveal his shower, back down at the bed and then back down at himself. It was the most fascinating pantomime Kylo had ever seen. 

Finally Hux sighed and all but flopped onto the bed and it took Kylo a fraction of a second to realize that the General was pausing slightly with the sheets lifted which was _an invitation_. Kylo remembered himself enough to rip off his boots; he nearly jumped under the sheets after the man and managed to slide in what he hoped was a nonchalant way behind him. Hux rolled as Kylo laid down, pulling the sheets over both of them. On the move back Kylo felt an arm on his shoulder, pressing slightly. He turned with it and found that Hux was wrapping his arms around him. Kylo was certain he was vibrating; his heart was certainly doing its part to force its way out of his chest. If Hux noticed he didn’t show it. 

The silent breathing and existing continued and Kylo couldn’t fathom anything he’d rather be doing. If this was his life from this point on he’d have no complaints. Hux’s thumbs were rubbing against where his shoulder blades had dug into the floor, moving to the center at his spine and then slowly back out. Hux shifted onto his back and made no move to stop Kylo from half-laying on him, burying his face into the General’s neck. Kylo’s hands were in heaven, slowly roaming Hux’s body without any fear of being stopped. Sleep was starting to shove its way into Kylo’s brain but he fought it back.

He didn’t want to miss this. He didn’t want. Above him Hux yawned and moved an arm so that Kylo was fairly well cradled against his shoulder. He glanced up in time to see Hux’s eyes slide closed; Kylo followed the other man into slumber after a few moments. There were no dreams to be had; Kylo’s mind couldn’t come up with anything and so it replayed the evening, adding golden light and softening the edges and in that reality Kylo told Hux and Hux told Kylo and.

A shrill beeping broke Kylo from his dream. He blinked blearily and cast a glance around the room. This wasn’t his room. The furniture was arranged differently and he looked over at the offending alarm. He looked at the time. He considered the time. He mulled what the numbers meant over in his head before they found a way to sink in and smack him in the mouth. 

He was half an hour late to training with his Knights. 

“Shitfuck,” he swore and practically leapt out of bed. He landed awkwardly on his own cum stained tunic and continued cursing. “Damn it! Where’s your coat?” he shouted. Hux regarded him quietly for a moment, apparently enjoyed this frantic show before he replied: 

“The closet. Where do you keep your clothes?” he said snidely, clearly proud of himself for that one. Kylo sent him a brief glare, out of habit more than anything, and rifled through the copies of Hux’s uniforms until he found the great coat. He was aware that Hux was watching him, but Kylo’s brain was still screaming at him about his Knights. 

He flung the coat over his shoulders, there were no clasps on the damn thing; he’d have to hold it shut. What was he supposed to say? Sorry I slept in late? Sorry I was busy cuddling? Well. He really didn’t _have_ to tell them anything, did he? He shoved his boots on unceremoniously and the leather creaked its protests. In one fluid movement he snatched up his soiled tunic and his helmet. Kylo shoved his helmet on, twinging his ears slightly and then made for the door. Hux’s eyes followed him. Kylo turned back as an afterthought and there he was. Just watching him. Hair in a perfect muddled mess and hickies dark on his neck and muscles loose and face relaxed and eyes calm and. Kylo had to look away to stop himself from getting hard again. 

“I’ll bring this back,” he said sharply. He could hear Hux moving in the bed. 

“I’ll come get it, tonight,” Hux replied in a lazy voice; an easy promise of more things to come. Kylo really had to leave. He nodded once and escaped from the room before he made a Bad Decision. 

Kylo broadcast his presence with more strength and fire than he had in weeks—the hallways back to his quarters were clear of personnel. By the time he actually made it back to his room his mood had settled itself from the frenzy it had been in when he’d left Hux.

That had been. Well. His mind offered up the word ‘perfect’ and it scared him. A small, fierce part of him was clinging desperately to it, though. That _had_ been as near to wonderful as Kylo could have ever dared to want. And he could very well have it again that night. 

And after that, as well. That tiny portion of himself, buried deep in his heart where impossible dreams were born and lived in bright shadows, hoped that it could go on forever.

**Author's Note:**

> So long and thanks for all the fish.


End file.
